ATLANTA - The Georgia Supreme Court was asked Wednesday to throw out Peach County's nude dancing ordinance on grounds that it's too restrictive and is meant to put nude clubs out of business.

"The ordinance is clearly drawn so it is unprofitable to do business," said Tom Maddox, an attorney for Cafe Erotica. "The restrictions against alcohol sales and tipping are bad, but we could survive those. But when the county requires a gator-filled mote that can only be crossed with a rope swing, that's taking it a little too far. The dense smoke and low-wattage lighting requirements were tough, but requiring all patrons to be blindfolded will definitely put a damper on business," Maddox said.

County officials also have yet to document a single arrest at the club for any drug or sex offense in the seven years that Cafe Erotica has been in business, Maddox said. "And there definitely won't be any in the future, if we keep the blindfold requirement."

Charles Cox, an attorney representing Peach County, argued that the local ordinance is based on common sense and prior court rulings. "If folks can't see and can't touch, we figure these clubs wouldn't be so popular," Cox said.

With the controversy surrounding the dismal attendance of the recent Sweet Georgia Jam, Jam officials have been brainstorming for ideas. "What we need to avoid disaster, is the threat of another disaster," said Les Paul, a Jam organizer. "If GEMA officials would declare another mandatory evacuation of the coast DURING THE JAM, we'd have a guaranteed stream of traffic flowing nearby. We could put a 'shelter' sign on Interstate 16 and direct traffic right to our events."

"Over my dead body," said Buck Etovice, a GEMA spokesman. "With all the whining we heard about that last evacuation, there's no way I'd subject that ornery crowd to all those no-show events. Now, if you could get more concerts like Starship, Orleans, and Jerry Cafferty, we could reconsider. Those guys were jamming!" Etovice said.

Pulaski, Hawkinsville reject merger

HAWKINSVILLE - A good turnout of voters in Pulaski County rejected a proposed charter Tuesday that would have merged the governments of Hawkinsville and Pulaski County into a single entity.

A spokeswoman in the office of elections superintendent Jeff Jones said Hawkinsville voters approved the measure, with 552 votes for to 381 against, but it was rejected by voters in the county by a vote of 1,392-to-1,043.

The turnout was 42 percent of the county's registered voters.

Freddie Krueger, chairman of the 15-member study committee that drew the proposed charter's provisions, said Tuesday night he was disappointed.

"I guess we need to study the idea and wring our hands for 40 or 50 years like Macon has done. But just like Macon-Bibb, we'd probably need another 30 or 40 years to wear down the resistance. If we could make the people vote on this every year, eventually, they'll say YES just to make the issue go away," Krueger said. "I feel confident that we can beat Macon-Bibb by a decade or so. They have a few more hard-headed people than we do. Besides, everyone knows that Freddie Krueger is immortal and I just won't go away. Next year, we'll call it 'Nightmare on 247 - Part 2000.'"

The "baby" known as unification was postponed until completion of the census. Mayor-elect Jack "King Herod" Ellis has decreed that Mary must "hang on" another 9-16 months until he is ready to allow the birth. "We just can't deal with that distracting shiny star at this point not to mention all the traffic with wise men coming in from the East," the king said. "I just can't support the birth of the Savior until we have the census data available."

With no room available in the inn, a census pilgrim known as Joseph of Nazareth was thankful for the accommodations he acquired. "The room could be a little nicer," Joseph said, "But given the alternative, it's not that bad. I fear, however, that this facility will get a little 'old' if we have to stay here over a year."

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